Wrestlemania Predictions (and why I won't be watching)

Wrestlemania Predictions (and why I won't be watching)

No, it isn't because of Roman Reigns.

This year's Wrestlemania is packed to the brim with matches (thirteen all told), and plenty of storylines surrounding them. There is a ton of potential, and with the right outcomes and surprises, this one could be the second best show of the weekend.

Seriously though, I don't even need to watch NXT: Takeover to know it was the best show, and ROH Supercard of Honor XI has some must watch matches.

I won't be watching this Wrestlemania, or any WWE television in the near future, because of the company's close ties with the current American President. But that doesn't mean I can't talk about the stories themselves, and make my own predictions.

Honestly, the most interesting thing about this year is how many matches only have one legitimate winner...

Wrestlemania Kickoff Matches

Neville (c) vs Austin Aries for the Crusierweight Championship

It has to be Neville. Austin Aries could be a brilliant champion, but Neville has made the division relevant again. Neville wins, cements his place as the King of the Cruiserweights, and then perhaps Aries wins the rematch at the next pay-per-view.

The Fourth Annual Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Braun Strowman.

Just... it's just Braun Strowman. No one else can win this match. Half the reason it can be put on the pre-show is because there is only one legitimate winner.

Raw Tag Team Championship Triple Threat Ladder Match

I really don't know why they are bothering with having either tag team division present on the card, given how little effort they've really put into building them.

I'm picking Gallows and Anderson because they need to win. Sheamus and Cesaro are momentarily interesting, and Enzo and Cass need to turn Heel cause they are just unpleasant. Have Gallows and Anderson win, and either turn them Face with a returning Finn Balor, or leave them Heel and bring up DIY (actually, don't do that. Not to Raw).

Wrestlemania Main Card

SmackDown Women’s Championship Match

I had hoped we were past "THROW ALL THE WOMEN INTO A MATCH THEN WE CAN SAY WE SUPPORT WOMEN" matches. I guess not. I don't even know who is in this match, though I assume the usual suspects. Becky Lynch could win to re-legitimize her, Carmella cou- yeah, no.

Obvious choice is Naomi since it is her home town, and she only had to give up the title cause of injury. I'd rather see Alexa Bliss win, and make Naomi and Becky Lynch feud for the #1 contender spot.

... actually, what I wanted was for Asuka to lose the NXT Title, then debut on the main roster in this match and destroy EVERYONE, and win.

But that isn't happening. So I'm picking Alexa Bliss.

Intercontinental Championship Match

Anyone know if this has been made a No Holds Barred match or something? Anything? Some stipulation that could make the match live up to the build up.

Nothing? Sigh.

I figure it's going to be Baron Corbin. Ambrose probably needs it more, but he hasn't done anything with it lately. Maybe Corbin could go on a Miz like run and just fight someone every week for a while to make it mean something again.

United States Championship

I hope Kevin Owens destroys Chris Jericho.

I hope that Jericho's win last year against AJ Styles is paid back in kind and Jericho puts Owens over as the monster Heel that he is.

I don't care if Samoa Joe and Kevin Owens form a new stable or not. I just want an Owens victory. And then I want him back in the Universal Championship title hunt.

Raw Women’s Championship Fatal 4-Way Elimination Match

I really don't care. I'm sorry, but the storytelling leading up to when I stopped watching a couple of weeks ago was lacklustre at best, and the reading that I've done to catch up in order to write this post tells me not much has changed.

They've been hinting at a Sasha Banks Heel turn for a while. If it's going to happen, it will be one of three scenarios:

  1. Bayley eliminates Sasha Banks first, and Sasha turns on her, ensuring her elimination (least likely, though most interesting)
  2. Sasha Banks and Bayley are the last two, and Sasha Banks cheats/brutalizes Bayley in order to win (most likely, least interesting)
  3. Bayley wins, and the next night on Raw Sasha destroys her.

I honestly don't know which one I would care about more. I'm predicting Nia Jax, partly to be different, and partly because, despite the lack of momentum, it really doesn't feel like they have any opportunities in the near future to build that momentum up further for her.

I'm probably wrong. It'll probably be Sasha Banks. Or hell, they'll give it back to Charlotte and none of the recent events will mean anything. But I'll stick with Nia.

SmackDown LIVE Commissioner vs. The Phenomenal One

AJ Styles wins, and goes to Raw as a Face.

This is the only scenario here that is in any way acceptable. The crowd wants to cheer him even when he is a Heel. He can't go back to Smackdown at this point unless you get rid of Shane McMahon, if they turn Shane Heel I imagine most of the crowd will throw up in their mouths given no one wants another "Evil McMahon", and I don't see where else they go with him now.

They've boxed themselves into a corner. Stupidly. He should have just been put in the main event.

Non-Sanctioned Match

Have Kevin Owens and Samoa Joe come out, destroy Seth Rollins, and then have Triple H p- wait I'm having flashbacks.

I'm really sick and tired of Triple H being a good guy when he isn't on Raw, and then being a Heel just when it is convenient. Both shows are better when the people running it are Faces, dealing with troublesome villains.

I've got a bad feeling that Triple H will win thanks to shenanigans from his NXT crew. I'm predicting a Seth Rollins victory so that we can all move on (at least until Monday night, when Rollins gets killed by Joe and Owens).

Power Couples Collide

I don't care if he proposes or not.

I'm picking Miz and Maryse, because they are staying, and after Cena's fantastic promo that basically buried Miz, if they don't win, his current (and best) run will come to a shuddering halt.

The Phenom vs. The Big Dog

Everybody take a deep breath:

Roman Reigns is going to defeat the Undertaker at Wrestlemania.

I'll wait while you finish flipping tables.

twiddles thumbs

Seriously though, Reigns is winning. There are only two possible endings to this match, because Undertaker is struggling and may well need a hip replacement. He may even be done after this. So those two options are:

  1. Roman Reigns turns Heel to defeat and possibly retire the Undertaker.
  2. Roman Reigns remains a "Face", and defeats the Undertaker, becoming only the second man (can you see where I'm going with this?) to defeat the Undertaker at Wrestlemania, setting up a program that will build to a Summerslam rematch between Reigns and Lesnar for the Universal Championship, which Reigns will win, finally overcoming the Beast.

The first one makes sense from a responding to the crowd perspective, and would make Roman a monster on Raw if he did that. People would pay good money to see him get punched in the face.

The second fits with the theme of WWE storytelling in recent years. Guess which one I think is more likely.

Universal Championship Match

I wish Goldberg was not the champion. He didn't need it to make this match big (though it was an easy way to get the belt back on Brock Lesnar without having to damage Kevin Owens too much... though I struggle to see him getting back into the title picture without killing Jericho (please).

Brock Lesnar wins, assuming Goldberg is going away, and assuming that they are planning for Reigns vs Lesnar at Summerslam.

Great. I'm actually looking forward to Roman winning more than this.

WWE Championship Match

Should have been Bray Wyatt vs AJ Styles. Though to be honest, I don't think Wyatt needs the title as long as he is given legitimate feuds that he wins. He has the potential to fill the Undertaker's role, but not the way he has been booked.

Off the top of my head I can think of half a dozen matches that could have been built that would be better than this one will probably be. But this is what we have, so maybe we will see a Sister Abigail into an RKO or something. That could be cool.

If this goes on last, and Randy Orton wins... meh. If Wyatt wins... well, I'm glad, cause I like the potential there. But I haven't seen anything to drive my interest.

I'm picking Bray Wyatt to win regardless.

Final Notes

There is no Smackdown Tag Team Championship match. Which makes sense, since the belts have been treated abysmally in recent months. Usos should not have won it the other week, and American Alpha should not have won it as the second to last entrant in that scramble.

I mean seriously.

What I want to see here though? Easy. Have DIY and The Revival debut on Smackdown, have them kill the Usos, and then have a three way feud between DIY, The Revival, and American Alpha for... I don't know, till the end of the universe.

Fantastical Diptychs and Where to Find Them

Fantastical Diptychs and Where to Find Them